


Peaks and Valleys

by daalny



Category: Top Gear (UK) RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-06
Updated: 2012-04-30
Packaged: 2017-11-03 04:03:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/376968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daalny/pseuds/daalny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The ups and downs of a relationship</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In the workshop

This weekend was supposed to be theirs, but a snag in production had them filming this segment. Jeremy was beyond annoyed he had hoped to take James to his home in Chipping Norton and take him to bed. A flatbed approached and on it was their challenge.

A Renault Avantime, a used Renault Avantime at that, coupled with the dare to make it as fast as an Evo. Why didn’t the producers just ask them to cure cancer? As for challenges from the producers this one was actually giving them some great material at a relatively low cost. There were no locations to scout, garner permission from or pay for permits. There were no stunts to choreograph or fancy camera placements this was going to be an easy shoot. While it was apparent to most of the viewers that these journalists were fluent on the language of cars most didn’t know that two of them were fluent in workings of cars. James May and Richard Hammond could work on their own vehicles with relative ease. Jeremy Clarkson wasn’t as clueless as the program had made him out to be, he could change a tyre and his oil but his problem lay with his patience—he had none.

While the other two were working on brakes, Jeremy had the good idea to lighten the car nonetheless the Avantime’s new tweakings were not helping match the Evo’s time. Next came the suggestion that James overhaul the engine, the two were loath to admit it on camera but the James was the man for the job. The prospect of dismantling an engine was appealing but James could only think about how he was supposed to be with Jeremy, his face showed disappointment. To play it up for the cameras Richard appealed to his OCD nature of losing himself in his tools. Jeremy said he would do anything that James wanted. The longhaired man took a measured breath looked a Jeremy curiously and restated, “Anything?”

“Anything” Jeremy reiterated with complete sincerity.

“Including leaving the workshop? Not coming back until I’m finished?” James asked tentatively.

Jeremy nodded before James asked, “Can I have a bag of chips?”

“I’ll buy you a bag of chips” Jeremy affirmed.

“All right” James acquiesced.

What the cameras didn’t show was that Jeremy drove for half an hour to find a Chip Van. He also stopped at a local grocer for the black currant drink James liked. The popularity of Top Gear rested on many things the first being that it was one of the last programs being produced on network television that was relatively uncensored. Each week it was a given that one of the three would say or do something that would offend someone! The second was the relationship between the three many in the media had called their interactions toxic which to some degree was true. However, all good relationships were this way, a series of peaks and valleys. The BBC counted on the valleys for that’s what drew the audience. The camera had cut away when James had left the workshop after pinching his hand on with the tyre fitter. The public would not see that Richard waved at Jeremy and the man stopped what he was doing with a power tool to see what had happened. After the delivery of dinner James did not see the other two and while he worked faster without the constant ribbing he did find the overhaul a tad lonely. 

Nearing four in the morning the engine was as tuned as it was going to get. Nigel had sacked out near a stack of tyres the other members of the crew had scurried off long before. The TopGear workshop had cameras mounted to record the ongoings so an actual camera operator wasn’t needed.

James had placed his phone on the work surface that comprised Nigel’s desk. He went to retrieve it only to place it back on the table. There was no point in going anywhere the sun would be rising shortly. Pulling back the chair his intent was to put his feet up and watch the sunrise but it was not to be. The battered old chair was surprisingly comfortable and his eyelids were heavy.

Jeremy had come into the workshop early and the scene that greeted made him grin. The older mechanic snoring loudly propped up by the black rubber of tyres. Clarkson sidestepped a leg and went to find James. A flash of purple caught his eye and he found Mr. May sleeping at a desk, he was covered in grease and Jeremy was concerned about the new cuts he observed on James’ hands. Jeremy considered waking James up but didn’t. Standing he moved to a locker and withdrew a light blanket and covered him up. While the cameras recorded the moment it was considered a peak by the editors and cut away.


	2. On the track

James slept for awhile before being nudged gently awake by Clarkson. Richard had arrived with tea and breakfast the crew quickly followed. The car was put back on the rolling road and it was amazing to see the difference 157.4 – 206 nearly 50 horse power by a good service. 

As the Avantime went round the track again Jeremy said in praise, “some of your heart and soul is in that car.”

James could merely nod, the night he had spent bowed over the engine bay of the Renault. Many times he had wished to leave, to find Jeremy to start what they had spoken of.

_They had filmed in Vietnam during the summer months. The footage would be lovingly worked with and then shown as the last Top Gear episode of the series. Jeremy still harbored hostility towards motorcycles yet his disdain for bikers had lessened. James had thought the request from Jeremy was a joke, he wanted lessons._

_“That Vespa was a nightmare but there were some good moments. And I know the producers will want to do something that daft again. You know I would throttle an instructor.”_

_James scoffed, “Oh but you’ll happily throttle me!”_

_The taller man sighed and reached into his breast pocket to withdraw his hardpack of cigarettes and offered them, “James, I don’t want to look like a twat on a bike again.”_

_“Fine, I’ll make it so you only look like a twat off of a bike” James delivered as his fingers snared a cigarette._

_The lessons took place at the Chipping Norton estate. A large shed contained many “toys” as Jeremy called it. The vastness of the property had led Jeremy to purchase quad bikes and he had also purchased two dirt bikes. The groundskeepers generally used dirt bikes to cross the territory quicker. The first thing James had Jeremy do was tuck in his laces on his shoes and wear protective clothing. Next was clutch control. This was Jeremy’s main problem he was too impatient when easing out the clutch. He did begin slow but uncurled his fingers too quickly resulting in a stall, which just made his impatience grow more._

_James’ lips twitched in praiseworthy attempt not to laugh at his friends actions. He merely held his hand over Jeremy’s to steady it and showed him the amount of pressure he needed to release the clutch and not have the bike stall. The next half hour Jeremy was moving forward and stopping by simply squeezing and releasing the clutch._

_While the lessons were informative it was more of a reason for James to come over. Jeremy was once again adjusting to bachelor life and the transition wasn’t being smooth. His children were damn near grown up and had their own lives. Jeremy didn’t like being alone and rather enjoyed James’ company regardless of how he sometimes acted towards the man._

_Each weekend Jeremy would progress becoming more proficient with the motorbike. James and Jeremy would ride for about an hour and half before retiring to the house for a drink. It was another Saturday and Jeremy seemed to have reverted back to before his first lesson. His clutch control was sloppy resulting in stalls. James had approached him, “Do you want me to show you again?”_

_James went to cover Jeremy’s hand to show him how to ease out the clutch and was surprised when Jeremy’s free hand came up to touch his face. “I don’t want a lesson.”_

_The man being touched was surprised at own his words, “What do you want?”_

_”You” Jeremy said in a deep voice._

_The lesson had been abandoned and the two had gone inside. Instead of scene filled with passion they talked long into the night. These conversations would continue on the phone for nights afterward. They had mutually decided that James would spend a weekend at Chipping Norton and they would be free to explore one another. While at first it seemed odd to schedule a romantic encounter it gave them both the time to mull it over. This was not going to be an encounter fueled by alcohol or sheer loneliness. “You can’t un-ring the bell” James had said and Jeremy understood fully. There would be no turning back if both decided to give themselves over to one another._

_the date rapidly approached but then on the Thursday before Andy phoned and essentially axed their weekend with the demand that they film._

The Avantime completed the circuit and Jeremy snapped back to the present. He suggested aerodynamics and the Formula One spoiler Richard had purchased was mounted on. James said off camera, “Doesn’t now look like bottle opener?” He was right if you were to pick up the Avantime in your hand the spoiler could easily remove a beer cap.

The seconds were not coming off so a splitter was suggested. James watched in fascination as Jeremy began crafting it out of ply-board. He clutched the cup of tea Richard had made as he watched the circus of the jigsaw and Jeremy. Once the splitter was on a problem manifested—a fire. “Stig! Out of the car” he snapped. James and Richard were flat on the tarmac looking under the car. Richard leapt up to retrieve a fire extinguisher. When James stole Jeremy’s line of “Back to the studio” he chased him down the runway/track. What couldn’t be seen was that James was letting Jeremy catch him. What wasn’t heard by the crew was Jeremy whispering, “tonight.”


	3. On the drive home

The fire had been a perfect ending point to the filming, while there was still daylight left it was doubtful save for a nuclear explosion that nothing would top the fire and chasing just committed to film. Jeremy cocked his head to the side and James followed, together they climbed into Jeremy’s black range rover and the trip to the Cotswolds began. Due to him being up all night James fell asleep on the journey which actually gave Jeremy sometime to think.

Jeremy thought about his British Telecom Bill, of the hours that he and James had spent talking to one another. The phone allowed each of them to actually _speak_ to one another. There were no cameras to play to or Hammond to play off of. Jeremy thought of it like the dashboard confessionals in the cars they would drive, only the audience would really know the truth. 

The first conversation Jeremy did most of the talking, answering the questions that he knew James wanted to ask. It had been during the trip to Southeast Asia. Vietnam had exposed all of their flaws, Richard would not eat anything he was unfamiliar with, James had problems swimming and Jeremy was uncomfortable with two-wheeled transportation. 

The countryside of Vietnam had transformed them all. When Jeremy had fallen off of his Vespa immediately a medic saw him and he was given the option of phoning his family. He had opted to not to tell the director that he didn’t want to worry them since he was fine except for some odd bruises and bangs. James and Richard knew that Jeremy’s marriage had been strained for past years. Scandals about random things popped up in newspapers and there were other factors. But now that Jeremy wasn’t going to call his wife signaled that the strain had resulted in a break. 

Jeremy’s epiphany of his attraction to James had also come in Vietnam. Specifically in Ba Hàng Bar.

_“Jez?” James asked softly._

_At his name Jeremy rose and stiffened in pain._

_“Where’s your pain?” James asked. “Point to it”_

_Jeremy pointed to his ribcage on the right side and his forearms._

_“You should sleep.”_

_“Can’t lie flat.” Was Jeremy’s mutter._

_“Come on.”_

_Jeremy followed James to one of the huts provided for them. James went to the bed and arranged the pillows to form an incline. He then sat on the bed and leaned back on the pillows. Jeremy saw that James had incorporated himself into the bed at an incline. Jeremy tried not to roll his eyes; he gingerly scrambled onto the bed and backed into James. His head came to rest on a collarbone and shoulder. The burning sensation when he breathed was lessened and the pressure that he felt when laying flat was abated._

_“Thanks James” he whispered tiredly._

_With his ribs somewhat not painful he found his forearms ached along with his elbow. James saw his movements and spoke, “I know your elbow hurts from colliding with the pavement but your forearms are probably smarting from your grip of the handlebars._

_Jeremy craned his head and James continued, “Had a death grip on them didn’t you?”_

_“Of course I bloody did.” Jeremy muttered._

_“Wrong, that is a time when hard is not better.” James said and Jeremy laughed then winced._

_It had been during this exchange that Jeremy realized that his feeling for James went beyond the platonic and he came up with the idea of bike lessons to see if James felt the same way._

To wake James up he forcefully pulled up on the handbrake. His children always joked, “Dad where are you going to roll to on the drive?” The ratcheting noise of the handbrake had James’ eyes flutter.

”We’re here” Jeremy said softly. He had chosen his words carefully, he didn’t want to say “We’re home” since he had no clue as to how James would view Chipping Norton and he didn’t want to presume anything. Also on the list of not presuming was Jeremy’s preparation for this weekend. He had bought new bedding, instead of the muted floral prints which decorated the majority of his home on chairs and cushions he choose a solid dark brown sheet set. The colour went well with the rest of the room but it was undeniably masculine and unlike his other sheets hold no memories. 

They idle in the kitchen, partly because the kettle is on and partly because james refuses to sit on Jeremy’s sofa. He is still rumpled from his all-nighter with the Avantime and is mindful of getting grease or some other substance on the costly fabric. Jeremy is both flattered and annoyed by this, flattered that James has paid attention to his rants about the costs of furniture but also annoyed at James’ affableness. He wants to see James, the part that he hides. Bits and pieces had been revealed here and there. The man does have a temper but it has never truly been unleashed. Passion is also within him although his display of it seems to be tightly controlled. He shrugs after playing a heart wrenching piece of music on the piano only his eyes dance with the knowledge of what he evoked.

Desperate to see what was under the shielded Mr. May he stretched out his hand and took the mug of tea from him. He placed his own on the counter and leaned in and kissed him. James was shocked not at Jeremy kissing him but as to how Jeremy was kissing him. Lips touched his softly while Jeremy’s fingertips ran gently over his face. More pressure was applied which James returned enthusiastically and in the process he emitted a small moan. 

That small exclamation of sound broke something inside of Jeremy’s mind. At this moment he knew exactly what his purpose in life was, it was to make James make that noise again. Leaning forward allowed him to effectively trap James against himself and the counter. Jeremy’s tongue traced the tapped the border made by James’ lips seeking permission and with a sigh James granted it.

_This is new._ Thought James, as his tongue touched against Jeremy’s. He fisted Jeremy’s light pullover and dragged him closer if that were even possible. It had been so long since anyone had touched him let alone kissed him senseless. Hands and mouths seemed to be everywhere. Clumsily movement began, Jeremy was leading James’ somewhere his hands pushing gently on a hipbone to get him to move backwards. More kisses were being given and James’ brain had shut down. He was vaguely away that they had ended up in a bedroom. His body reacted rather quickly and when Jeremy’s hips bumped his he moaned. This was going really fast. Tearing his lips away he rasped, “Stop”

Instantly all action ceased, “What’s wrong?” Jeremy asked softly

James laughed, “Nothing actually except for the fact I’m going embarrass myself by coming in my jeans.”

Jeremy’s eyes darkened at James’ comment, “I want to see that.”

Before James had time to draw in another breath Jeremy’s hands had expertly liberated the button from the fastening and the zipper squealed down. A large warm hand soon found its way into his boxers and curled around his length eagerly. Now it _really_ had been a long time since James was touched like this. His hands had moved from Jeremy’s back to clutch at his shoulders. He tried to slow his breathing, he tried relax, but there would be no delay. With a grunt James spilled over Jeremy’s hand and he bowed his head hoping his hair would hide his scarlet cheeks.

Jeremy was in awe but James didn't seem to be, in fact he looked mortified. ”Don’t be ashamed, that was the sexiest thing I’ve seen.” Rumbled Jeremy as the flat of his palms ran circles over James’ back. James’ arms hung loosely at his sides as Jeremy pulled his beloved rugby shirt down over his waist. He didn’t bother zipping back up James’ trousers he merely whispered, “Let’s go to the shower.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A piece from Incline was used.


	4. Sheets

The mention of a shower did sound like a wonderful idea. The workshop had a small sink, which James had used to scour his hands and good deal of his forearms yet the rest of him was dirt and grease stained. He also wanted to wash his hair. Jeremy led the way into the master bathroom. Clarkson pulled his light green pullover off and tossed it onto the floor and started the water in the shower. James watched in envy as Jeremy pulled off his clothes and let them fall, the older man was confident in his actions and at home in his body. 

James’ confidences were limited to a few things, music, maths and motorcycles. He wasn’t good at sports and always felt awkward in his own skin. As he pulled on the hem of his rugby shirt he had forgotten to undo the rubber button and the garment got tangled. A strong pair of hands soon found themselves liberating the cloth from his head. He smiled weakly at Jeremy who merely leaned in for a kiss.

Jeremy was trying to figure out was going on inside James’ head. While his clumsy movements could have been interpreted as nervousness somehow that didn’t seem to be the problem. Jeremy moved into the shower and was delighted to see James follow willingly. Reaching for the soap James lost himself in the comfort of a mundane activity. Seeing that James was relaxing had Jeremy’s hands itching to do something. He grabbed the bottle of shampoo but before he emptied the contents into his hand he asked, “may I?” 

“you want to wash my hair?” James asked.

Clarkson’s eyes rolled to the top of his head towards his thinning curls. “Consider it a vicarious experience.”

At this James laughed deep and loud and suddenly everything was easy. He bowed his head and felt Jeremy’s fingers lathering the soap into his head. A nudge under his chin had him tilting his head up allowing the water to rinse the suds away. James opened his eyes and looked at the man before him, his short hair clung to his head and James swallowed. His mind still hadn’t adapted that this was allowed. He moved forward and ran a finger down Jeremy’s chest. To his surprise Jeremy blushed when the finger ran over the protrusion of his belly to finally, it seems the man was human after all. The sharp intake of breath seemed unusually loud perhaps it was the enclosed nature of the shower, or perhaps it was because James’ head was close to Jeremy’s to hear it. James was about to touch him when Jeremy stiffened.

“No?” James asked a little shocked.

Jeremy shook his head and James was confused as to what he was saying no to.

“I bought sheets” Jeremy murmured and it became clear that had grand plans _for him_. At this James felt warm and it wasn’t from the shower. Jeremy did genuinely care it was evident with how he treated his children and how he treated his friends. Somehow though James never thought it would translate to him. Jeremy saw all of this, finally saw the real James and found he had no words. 

As it happened words were not needed or in Jeremy’s case even formed. James’ hand gripped him firmly and his head rolled back and slammed into the tile of the shower. It should have hurt but all he could feel was sensation of bliss. 

“It felt like that for me too.” James whispered richly in his ear.

A strangled shout that Jeremy would deny emitting escaped his throat as he shook uncontrollably. James held him through it and they stood together in the shower. The proverbial bell had rung and as James had said they couldn’t unring it. Jeremy found he didn’t want to and neither did James. Jeremy felt a tickling on his elbow, “this healed up nicely” James said in reference to the cuts he had suffered in Vietnam. Jeremy scoffed and slapped off the taps. They grabbed towels and dried off. James took the time to attack his hair with another towel making sure all the moisture was gone. Jeremy’s hair didn’t need that much attention so he padded into the bedroom and James soon followed. 

James extended a hand and touched the brown sheets, “these feel nice.”

Jeremy pulled back the comforter, “get in and they’ll feel even better.”

The both got into bed, Jeremy turned on his side and propped up his head on his hand while James laid on his back. Curiousity got the better of Jeremy and he pulled the comforter down so he could look at James’ body. There was a scar on his shoulder and he reached out and traced it. “How did you get this?”

”Motorbike” James answered.

“Were you working on one and it fell or was it a road accident?” Jeremy asked softly.

James rolled his shoulder into Jeremy’s touch, “Some pillock suddenly turned right and clipped me. I was twenty and my Mother was on duty at the hospital when I was brought in. I’m Captain Slow for a reason.”

Jeremy caressed the scar before asking, “Anymore?”

James chuckled, and swung back the covers to reveal his left thigh, “Well I was stabbed by my sister but that was an accident.”

“How is a stabbing an accident?” Jeremy demanded.

“Well I was playing inside this cardboard box and Jane thought it was airtight for some reason so she went grabbed this knife and began stabbing holes in the box yelling ‘he needs to breathe!’ and I got stabbed.” James explained nonchalantly 

Jeremy expelled a surprised breath and pulled the covers back up to secure in the heat. “How is it you never told anyone that you had been stabbed?” 

James shrugged, “Well I didn’t get it in a pub fight or anything besides I was ten.”

”Is that it?” Jeremy asked.

James swallowed, “Yes.”

The two exchanged childhood stories and James was surprised to learn of how lonely Jeremy was as a child. His parents had sacrificed everything to get him and his sister into quality schools. However, the class distinction was still in effect and the Clarkson name was not associated with money. Also his voice led to schoolyard fights. Jeremy had learned from a young age to switch from a heavy Northern Doncaster accent to a more non-descript Southern accent, also at the rate at which he grew kept bullies off of him.

Jeremy finally had confirmation of what he long suspected. James had always been socially awkward yet it could have been a lot worse. His teachers had recognized his potential early and had placed him programs for the gifted. One of the teachers had actually had a meeting with his parents in which they called him a Savant. He then went onto explain that they had enrolled him in music classes to develop his talents but asked that he be in mainstream classes to develop social skills.

Jeremy told him chapter and verse of why his marriage to Francie had dissolved. James told him that he should be proud that his marriage had lasted as long as it did. For James none of his relationships seemed to work, “no one can put up with me, ”he said.

It was still relatively early yet James had fallen asleep. Jeremy simply put on his reading glasses and picked up his book. He tried to read yet every time he reached the third word in the sentence he remembered that James was next to him. He put the book on the nightstand and pulled the comforter down. He inspected the scar on James’ shoulder and thought about the accident that James had recounted. It made sense why he was so methodical on his bike or his irritation with car drivers towards bikers. He was also glad that James had taken the time to teach him the proper handling of motorcycles. Given the choice he would still prefer a car but now he had more options. Seeing that some hair had fallen into his face Jeremy swept it aside and was surprised to find another scar. He would have missed it if he had not been wearing his glasses yet there it was beside his temple well hid by his hair.

Jeremy simply filed the information away. He put his glasses on top of his book and moved closer to James. The sleeping man turned slightly and Jeremy slung his arm over him and fell asleep.

Monday morning came early and the two got ready for a day at Dunsfold. In the kitchen Jeremy watched as James pushed back his hair. This reminded him of the discovery that he had made last night. He moved forward and traced the line.

”Another bike accident?” Jeremy asked softly.

”Car actually well it took place in a car.” James said sadly.

There was something in James’ tone that had Jeremy swallowing hard something told him he wasn’t going to like the story behind this scar.

James saw the concerned look in Jeremy’s eyes and gave him a watery smile. “A girlfriend of mine got angry that I wasn’t reading the map quickly enough and began shouting that we missed a turn off the roundabout. I told her that screaming didn’t help any and she grabbed the rearview mirror, ripped it off the windscreen, and clobbered me with it. After that I didn’t see her again. I told you no one can really put up with me.”

Jeremy simply tapped him lightly on the shoulder and used his real voice, “I can.” 


End file.
